Rays of sunlight streamed through the tall glass windows and blinded Josephine as she opened her eyes to the new day. The tree branches swayed softly to the rhythm of the wind and birds sat upon those branches chirping to one another. Josephine thought back to a time when the chirping of birds outside her bedroom window excited her and symbolized the wonderful song of life. Now, she only wished her husband would make use of the revolver under his pillow instead of letting it lie there, forgotten.

            Today she had more trouble getting out of her bed than yesterday. Her joints were stiff and her back continued with its familiar, persistent aching. She walked over to her dresser and examined herself in the mirror. The wrinkles on her face edged deeper today. The grooves on her face twisted and turned like roads on a map.  Oh, how she wished she could turn back time! She wished to erase the evidence on her face of her own impending mortality. As she looked at her reflection with a solemn expression, she traced the cracks with a shaky finger.

            “Oh good, you’re up.” A voice rang out from behind her. “Is that how you’re going to dress for the day?”

Josephine turned around and saw her husband leaning against the open doorway.

“Of course not, dear. I will find something to please you.” She said with a strained smile.           

            “You’re so easy. I love when you’re easy with me.” He stumbled over to her and tried planting a kiss on her lips, but she turned her face away from the putrid stench of his breath. Maybe other days she would have kissed him back for common courtesy, but today was different.

            “For goodness sake’s Peter, it’s only 9 o’clock in the morning!” She retorted, trying to break free from his grasp.

“Oh, you’re such a bother!” Peter growled. He loosened his grip and left the room. “I expect breakfast to be made when you come downstairs! And a new dress!” He called out.  She waited until she could no longer hear the echo of his footsteps before letting out a sigh of relief.

            Josephine walked over to her closet and begrudgingly searched for a gown that would satisfy her husband. She sifted through dozens and dozens of dresses until her fingers stroked the cloth of a familiar piece. She took the dress off its hanger and lifted it up to her face. The aroma of roses entered her nostrils and she was struck with nostalgia.

“Josephine, darling, stop touching that! Leave it be.”  

“How much longer?” Josephine begged.

“Oh, it can’t be long now. You’ve waited seven years, you can wait one more minute.”

But seven years ago, Josephine was merely a child, well more of a child than she was now. She had different wants and desires. She spent her days longing to play in the garden with her brother and the butcher’s son but was forced, instead, to learn the craft of stitch from Mother. Because that is what good women do, according to Mother.

“Isn’t it lovely?”

“What is?” Josephine asked.

“Your dress darling.” The woman said with an annoyance in her voice.

“Well of course its lovely, I made it.” Josephine retorted.

“Josephine, dear, remember men do not care for women who talk too highly of themselves. You must remember that. Please tell me you will remember that.”

“I will try to remember that.”

“You will remember that.” Lady Merrill’s eyes were two stones sunken into her face as she stared intently into the eyes of her sister’s daughter.

“Fine! I will remember that.” Josephine said.

“That’s better. Did you take your medicine?” Lady Merrill asked.

“No, please no! I can’t, not anymore.”

“Now Josephine,” Lady Merrill started, “you must take your medicine. It is the best thing for your body. It will make your figure so slim and nice. You must watch your figure. Remember that men do not like a woman who does not watch her figure. You must remember that. Here.” She shoved the pills in Josephine’s hand and handed her a glass of water. “Drink.” She commanded.

“But –”

“Drink.”

Josephine put the medicine in her mouth and chased it with water. She shuddered.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” She groaned. “I need some fresh air.”

Josephine got up out of her chair and ran over to the tall window at the other side of the room. She opened it and let the warm breeze envelope her face. She took slow, drawn out breaths to subdue the queasiness. Looking down below into the garden, she could not help but to notice the bright, white-blonde hair. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart leaped.

Sebastian was clipping the hedges. Even from four floors up, Josephine could hear him whistling and humming her favorite song. He remembered it! Her eyes swelled up.  

“I think I need to step outside to settle my stomach. Is that alright?” Josephine asked.

“Very well then, if you must. But please do hurry. We haven’t got much time before the minister arrives with Peter.” But, Josephine was already down the stairs and out the door to the garden.

“Josephine!” Sebastian exclaimed, his eyes wide. “I thought you left for the church already.”

Josephine shushed him and grabbed his hand. They moved under the shade of an apple tree, away from any watchful eyes. “They decided on a small ceremony, here.”

“Well, you look lovely.” He said. Sebastian’s eyes twinkled as he stroked her cheek with his fingers. He looked down at her with admiration. “But this is nothing new, as you always look lovely. You’d be a goddess even in a burlap sack.”

The blood rushed to her cheeks and she could feel her heart beat fast in her chest. Sebastian wrapped Josephine in his arms and they stayed in this manner for a minute or so. Josephine felt soothed by the rhythmic breathing of his chest.   

“Please tell me I’m making a mistake.” She whispered, breaking the silence. She looked up at his face and searched his eyes for an answer.

“Josephine…” Sebastian’s voice trailed off. He cleared his throat. 

 “Just tell me I’m making a mistake and that I should run away with you! We don’t need somewhere large, or anywhere fancy! We can go to the countryside together. You can have your own garden and I’ll cook you anything you want, whenever you want! Please.” She pleaded.

“You know how much I adore you.” Sebastian started. “But—”

“Think of the life we can have together!” Josephine interjected. “No more secrecy or hiding behind my father’s back. Just run away with me! Let’s leave right now!” She tried grabbing his hand but he pulled it back from her.

Sebastian shook his head. He furrowed his brows and pushed her away. “You have a duty as your father’s only daughter to marry who he’s chosen. Stop talking such nonsense.”

“But, don’t you love me?” She asked. “I thought you loved me.” She tried kissing him but he pushed her away again.

“Of course, I do!” Sebastian exclaimed. “And it’s because I love you that I’m telling you you’d be making a huge mistake. The Josephine I know wouldn’t bring dishonor to her family as I have brought dishonor to mine. Look at me! I’m forced to tend to trees and bushes for the rest of my life.”

In her mind, Josephine knew that Sebastian was right. Yet, there was a part of her that was nerved about the arrangement. She wished to have more time but alas the seven years sneaked up on them all. And there was nothing that could have been said or done. She lacked control over her own life.

“Josephine!” Her father’s deep voice rang out. “Where are you?”

“Go before we both find ourselves in a lot of trouble.” Sebastian urged.

 Josephine wiped the tears from her eyes. She started to run back to the house, far away from the man she loved. Her heart was beating fast in her chest. She hoped that Father wouldn’t be too mad.

Suddenly, her foot hit a rock and she stumbled into a bush of roses. To her relief, her dress remained intact. She got up and brushed herself off. Taking a deep breath, Josephine entered the house to her new life.

“Josephine!” Peter’s voice rang out, snapping Josephine back to her reality. “I’m waiting!”

Josephine rushed to put the dress on and wiped her eyes.

 “I’m coming, dear!”  she called out. “I’ll make those eggs just the way you like them.”

She examined her reflection through the cracked mirror one last time. She walked over to Peter’s side of the bed. Her dainty fingers wrapped around the cold, rusty metal.

As she walked down the stairs, she smiled, feeling content for the first time in her life.